


pillar

by thisissirius



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 08:16:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9539387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius
Summary: “Sorry,” Robert murmurs, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s lip.Aaron shakes his head, rests a hand on Robert’s hip. “S’alright. Easy to forget.”Robert’s eyes darken. “Didn’t forget. Just not used to it.”set post ssw. aaron comes home and robert has a nightmare.





	

**Author's Note:**

> written for someone on tumblr. i hope you enjoy <3

Aaron’s glad to be back home. 

He’s aching and in pain, every step an effort, but he’s not in hospital, so he views it as a win. Robert helps him to the sofa, less clingy than Aaron’s expecting, but his mum and Liv more than make up for it. Liv plays up once, suffers Robert’s glare, and then shuts up for the rest of the evening. Aaron’s surprised; not enough to comment, but enough to watch their interactions. 

They’re comfortable, he realises, halfway through the movie Robert throws on. She’s sat on the floor between them, one arm looped around Robert’s leg, her weight a heavy presence against Aaron’s. She’s tossing back popcorn like there’s no tomorrow, and when she starts to fall asleep, she does so against Aaron’s knee. 

“You two make up then?” Aaron asks, because Robert’s been talking non-stop and there’s no point trying to follow the movie anymore. 

Robert shrugs, drops a hand onto Aaron’s knee, fingers brushing Liv’s hair. “Kinda hard not to.”

He doesn’t have to explain; Aaron’s liver is a painful enough reminder. 

The door to the backroom opens and Chas makes her way through to the kitchen, gesturing at Liv. “Oi, take her up to bed. It’s been a long couple of days for all of ya. Get some rest.”

Robert’s usually the first to complain, but for once he nods, runs a hand through Liv’s hair. “Liv.”

She stirs, and Aaron watches in silence as she stretches, flicks her eyes to his face and then relaxes. “Oh. Is the movie over?”

“Dunno,” Aaron says. “Robert’s been talking so much I don’t even know what it’s about.”

“Oi,” Robert says, over Liv’s laugh and Chas’ snort. 

Aaron takes getting up slowly, waving off Robert’s proffered help. He’s been less clingy than Aaron’s expecting, trying to give him breathing space. It’s surprising, even more so when he sees the look of concern on his mum’s face every time Robert’s back turned. 

Liv’s taking her own time, watching him more than necessary. 

“I’m _fine_ , Liv. Go up to bed.”

She makes a face, tossing the popcorn bowl in the sink and shrugging. “Fine.”

Robert catches her before she starts up the stairs. “Turn your light off _before_  midnight this time.”

“Yes dad,” Liv moans, looking every bit the moody teenager. Aaron doesn’t miss the smile on her face, though, or the one on Robert’s. 

“Is this really happening?” Aaron asks his mum. “Or am I still asleep.”

There’s a ripple of discomfort in the room and Aaron winces. Thankfully, Robert just shrugs it off, though there’s a shadow behind his eyes that wasn’t there before. 

“I told you she’d learn to love me,” Robert says. 

His mum gives Robert a pat on the arm as she passes, another (pleasant) surprise, before she leans in, presses a kiss to Aaron’s forehead. “Night love. I’m glad you’re home.”

Aaron murmurs agreement, eyes on Robert. Everything feels off kilter, a little strange, but Aaron gets it. He knows what it’s like to lose someone you love, and as weird and awful as it is to think about, he _died_  for a minute there. He doesn’t think about it too long, but _knows_  what it can do to people. 

“Hey,” Aaron says softly, when his mum’s disappeared back out into the pub. “Let’s go up.”

Robert’s patient the entire way up the stairs, and through helping Aaron change. “Pretty sure you can handle the bathroom alright.”

“Sure you don’t wanna help?” Aaron asks. 

“You’ve been taking a piss for twenty years, Aaron, don’t think you need help with that.”

It makes Aaron laugh, a lance of pain shooting through his stomach and he winces. 

“Sorry,” Robert murmurs, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s lip. 

Aaron shakes his head, rests a hand on Robert’s hip. “S’alright. Easy to forget.”

Robert’s eyes darken. “Didn’t forget. Just not used to it.”

There’s an awkward silence that Aaron breaks by stroking Robert’s hip and heading for the bathroom. He aches, more than just his liver, and there’s something about Robert, something he can’t quite put his finger on, but puts it down to the last couple of days. It’s been stressful, frightening, bad enough for Aaron. Robert’s put together and calm, protective and patient in a way Aaron’s not used to (he likes it, oh does he like it), but there’s something else, a shadow Aaron can’t put a name to. 

It doesn’t take too long to find out what it is. 

Robert gets clingy in the bed. As soon as they’re settled, Robert shifts closer, presses his face into the crook of Aaron’s neck, a hand to Aaron’s chest. He’s closer than he normally gets, and Aaron can’t see his face, not clearly, but he allows it. If it’s what Robert needs, Aaron’s only too willing to give it, and it’s not as if it’s something he’s against. He’s missed Robert, has been trying so hard to forget the way Robert looked in that damn car.

Aaron’s finding it hard to sleep, in pain and having spent too long in bed already, but Robert’s deeply asleep, kicking Aaron every so often. Aaron likes being able to turn and look at Robert again, being able to hold him and watch him, he even likes having the kicking back because it means Robert’s here, with him, that they’re both _okay_. Aaron brushes a hand over Robert’s hair, smiling slightly as it falls back against Robert’s forehead. He pulls back enough to see the freckles dusting Robert’s cheeks, the shadows under his eyes. Aaron runs a finger over his cheek, tries not to think about how close they came to-

Robert lets out a full bodied shudder and Aaron frowns. He pulls his hand away, afraid he’s waking him up, but then Robert’s hand clenches into a fist against Aaron’s chest, right leg kicking Aaron in the ankle. 

“Rob,” Aaron says, knowing the signs of a nightmare; he’s had enough of his own. 

There’s a sound from Robert that Aaron’s never heard before, but thinks it’s close to the one he made in the car. A whine almost, and he shoves away from Aaron rolling onto his back. 

He’s not saying anything, he never does, and that always frightens Aaron. When Aaron has a nightmare, when Robert’s there through it all, soothing every ache, he knows he makes noise, knows he shouts and cries. 

Robert’s silent, always so silent. He internalizes even his nightmares.

“Hey,” Aaron says, wincing as he tries to sit up, touching a hand to Robert’s shoulder. “Rob.”

Robert’s breaths come in short, sharp bursts and Aaron shakes his shoulder hard. Instead of waking him up, it causes Robert to shrink away from him and whimper again, his lips working soundlessly. 

“Rob,” Aaron says again, louder, and shakes Robert again. 

“Aaron.” Robert says his name and Aaron breathes a sigh of relief, except then Robert’s curling up on himself, gasping and clenching his fist against the sheets. “ _Aaron_.”

It sounds wrecked, _broken_ , and Aaron shifts onto his knees, ignores the pain thumping through his side and grips Robert’s shoulders, shaking him rougher than he means to. 

“ _Robert_ ,” Aaron shouts, loud enough to be heard by Robert, but not enough that he’s expecting Liv and his mum to come storming in. “Robert, come on.”

Robert whimpers again, a wetness to his cheeks, but eventually his eyes snap open, unfocused. 

“Hey,” Aaron says, softer this time. He loosens his grip, brushes his fingers over Robert’s cheek. “You with me?”

“Aaron.” Robert says his name again, relieved and reverent. “You’re okay.”

“Yeah.” He keeps his voice soft, thumbs smoothing over Robert’s cheeks, brushing away the tears. “Alright?”

Robert doesn’t say anything, doesn’t nod, just slows his breathing, eyes never leaving Aaron’s face. 

Aaron slides back down onto the bed, keeping one hand on Robert. It’s an effort, still painful, and Robert’s face creases up in concern. 

“Sorry,” Robert says eventually, when Aaron’s settled. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

“Weren’t about to leave ya having a nightmare, Robert.”

Silence again. This time Aaron lets it play out, tugs on Robert’s hand until Robert gets the message; he shifts on the bed, slides up next to Aaron, but keeps distance between them. It makes something ache in Aaron’s chest. 

“Wanna talk about it?”

Robert shakes his head, closing his eyes. “No. No I don’t.”

They probably should, Aaron thinks, because Robert looks like he needs it. He takes a deep breath, rolls over slowly and gently, so that he can face Robert. 

“Stop doing that,” Robert chastises, frowning.

“Tell me,” Aaron presses, “And I will.”

“Blackmail?” Robert says, looking impressed. Aaron shrugs and just stares him down, waiting. Robert’s expression cycles through reluctance, defeat, fear and then back to reluctance. “Will you lie back down?”

Aaron does, but only because it’s starting to hurt. Eventually, slowly, Robert moves closer, settles his head back on Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron knows it’s so that he doesn’t have to look at Aaron as he talks, but Aaron’ll take it if it means Robert _talks_. 

“You can’t get out the car,” Robert says, sounding as though the words are being forced out of him. His hand fists in Aaron’s t-shirt. “I can’t get you _out_  of the car.”

Aaron closes his eyes, runs a hand through Robert’s hair. When he can catch his breath, he presses a kiss to the crown of Robert’s head. “I’m here,” he says, because it’s all he _can_  say. He’s not good at this, not really, but he wants to help, wants to do something.

“I know.” The relief in Robert’s voice is evident. “Sometimes it’s not even that. Sometimes it’s that you just don’t wake up.”

_You died_ , _love,_  his mum told him that first day. _We were worried for a minute there_. 

_It scares me being alone_.

Aaron swallows thickly, presses another kiss to Robert’s head. “Hey.”

Robert shifts, looks up. 

“You saved me, yeah?” Robert makes a face, but Aaron holds him there, thumb to Robert’s cheek. “I’m here because of you, Rob. Alright?”

There’s enough of a pause that Aaron doesn’t think Robert will answer, but he does, eventually. 

“Yeah, alright.”

It’s not enough, not even close, but Robert leans in for a kiss and Aaron can see the darkness has faded from his eyes. He looks soft, content, and Aaron kisses him again, a third time, and then lets him lie back down. 

“I’ll be here to wake ya up if it happens again.”

“I love you,” Robert says, fiercely. 

Aaron smiles, hides it in Robert’s hair. “I love you too.”

It’s not enough to steal their nightmares away completely, but Aaron hopes it’s enough just for tonight. 


End file.
